tanning...

So after reading the part in the pamphlet about the moonkiss tan making you appear 5-10lbs lighter i made an appointment to be sprayed. I was feeling anxious the night before because a friend of mine had had a bad experience (and ended up orange) but the lady at the shop assured me that their system was better and I would not look any less than gorgeous so I went ahead with it. As I followed the young skinny attractive teenager back to the spray room I whispered a small prayer that maybe she wasn't the one who would actually be doing the spraying... when we reached the room she informed me that she would be spraying me and I could go ahead and slip into the disposable bikini and she would be right back. I stood there in the small room looking at the package she had just handed me containing my disposable bikini. I immediately noticed the word "thong" on the package. I thought, dear god did the disposable bikini have to be a thong? My shame reached all new levels as she reentered the room and there I stand in all my paper thong bikini wonder... I wanted to scream out "I HAD A BABY THAT'S WHY I LOOK LIKE THIS" but I just smiled and stood there quietly. So she starts spraying and I’m just trying not to think about how she must weigh less than my right leg. We finish up and I am instructed by the young brunette Barbie to stand under the fan for 5 minutes. The bad part about their "better system" is you have to get two applications in the same day. So I head back to the salon at 6pm for a second dose of shame. i am led to the same room by the same small girl and left to don the paper thong bikini. Wonder of wonders, as I am trying to slip my post baby body into the paper thong I break the strap on the top. great... so I let little Barbie girl know when she comes back as I’m standing there just holding the top on to which she just replies "ok." for some reason I really thought they could spare another paper bikini top, guess not. So as I am being airbrushed bronze I am desperately trying to hold on to that last bit of paper bikini top dignity. However at certain points you have to hold your arms out to be sprayed... goodbye small bit of dignity as I watched the paper top float gently to the ground. I just stood there looking at Barbie salon girl wondering exactly how sad/saggy my breastfeeding boobies really look to her. I also thought about what an odd job this must be, airbrushing sad/saggy people in paper thongs all day. Anyway, I stood under the fan for 5 minutes and then gathered my things and took my tan self home.