really?

i can just picture it now, my house is burning all around me and i'm running for the phonebook to see who to call... great job oklahoma!

Guess what...

May is pregnancy awareness month. http://pregnancyawarenessmonth.com/ This made me giggle a little. Anyone out there not aware that they are pregnant? Should we all go pee on a stick just to make sure we have nothing to be aware of? Why don't they encourage awareness of useful things like camel toe or body odor?

Quarter-life Crisis- I am Allergic to Minivans

Let me begin by saying that I am not aging gracefully; I am being pulled kicking and screaming into most areas of adulthood (in fact I am opposed to almost every aspect aside from the ability to drink legally). I do not want to get old and I guess I figured that denial was enough to keep me youthful until an ill-fated shopping trip last week. I was in the Gap dressing room trying on some fun and youthful outfits when I jokingly made a comment to the male dressing room attendant about feeling old. After which he said “oh I wouldn’t put you at a day past 28.” I am 26, 26 years old. Fighting back tears I politely thanked him and left the store so I could go and cry alone in my car. I thought I was doing a good job looking even younger than my actual age by shopping in the junior’s section and listening to pop music. Apparently I just look like an aging hag desperately trying to cling to her youth by shopping in the juniors section, listening to pop music, and texting things like “OMG” or “LMAO.” This guy probably thought he would guess low in an attempt to lift my spirits which means my actual perceived age is probably closer to forty. I was faced with a pivotal choice, do I give up and switch over to a soft rock station, throw out all of my thongs and start wearing tapered jeans or do I plunge myself even further into denial and avoidance? I choose the latter dammit! I will not go down without a fight! It will take a lot more than one nasty comment to pop my denial balloon! I have convinced myself that if I grow my hair out and lose 10 pounds the stress and strain of child birth, rearing, and a few too many nights spent wrapped around a toilet will be wiped away and I can once again be “like a virgin, touched for the very first time.” I suppose I should stop referencing 80’s pop culture as well.
In addition to dropping the weight I think I have subconsciously convinced myself that dropping two doors will further enhance my youthfulness. Last night we went down to the Honda dealership to look for something to replace Michael’s gas-guzzling-ozone-hole-increasing beast of a vehicle. We went looking for a bottom of the line Civic just to get him to and from work and I left completely enamored with a two door Accord. I borrowed it all day today just to see how much trouble it would really be to get Lauren in and out of. It is actually not that bad and I have decided that my coupe is like a really great pair of heels, a little pain is worth a lot of cute!