how do I stop this crazy train?

Monday, January 21, 2008

The "B" word

I hope you are all seated while you are reading this, if not, sit down- and what the hell are you doing reading standing anyway? If you’re on the treadmill you are an overachieving b*&%$ and we can no longer be friends. Beginning January 1, 2008 I was placed, involuntarily, on a (dramatic gasp with back of hand placed gently to forehead) BUDGET! What has my life come to? For the last two years I have been living the good life, hanging out with my little best friend, doing whatever we please. I try to watch my spending but sometimes I get carried away. I never dreamed that this would lead my usually loving husband to take such drastic measures. I purposely passed over potential suitors that had a high probability of being unable to afford me. Assisting a muscle bound fireman with his hose or corrupting a man of the cloth sounded exhilarating but I knew that excitement would wear off quickly after a couple of romantic ramen noodle dinners. It’s not that I need a lot of fancy things or designer clothes; I just require a lot of upkeep. Michael doesn’t understand that this “look” does not happen by accident. Michael thinks that Wal-Mart is truly one stop shopping, I do not. I’ve managed (because I am so creative) to convince him that I am severely allergic to Wal-Mart bras and panties but he may get suspicious if I claim to be allergic to Wal-Mart make-up as well. How am I supposed to convince a man who pays $7 for a haircut that his budget needs to allow $100 for mine every 6 weeks? This budget is making me crankier than dieting during my time of the month. We are each allowed $200 dollars a month to spend on whatever we please. Initially I thought this would be a piece of cake assuming there would be a separate fund for hair, makeup, eating out, shoes and clothes. I mean those aren’t things that I can help, that is just general upkeep. I was wrong. So after purchasing a dress to attend Michael’s Christmas party (which in all honesty I did not even care to attend) I barely had any money left. This is a sad state of affairs. I am being forced into caffeine withdrawals as I am unable to make my usual trips to Starbucks, I’m hungry because I cannot stomach frozen entrees or leftovers, and my roots are showing. Have pity on me. I am relatively certain this is all part of his plan to force me back into employment. I will show him though, I can tough this out. I will just have to start selling his stuff on Ebay for extra cash, perhaps then he will consider adding more categories to his budget.

7 Comments:

At January 21, 2008, Blogger Katie said...

Oh Yea. Just start selling everything in the house on Ebay. Are you sitting on that chair? Sorry, just sold it on Ebay.....

I feel your pain, sister. Big time. We have been on an awful DON'T SPEND ANYTHING budget for over a year now. The first year in the airlines SUX. The big one. Being poor really sucks.

I've had to get $17 haircuts. And that shit ain't pretty.

 
At January 21, 2008, Blogger Tracy said...

I feel your pain girl. We did that dreaded b#@$*%! a few weeks ago. I tried to tell him there wasn't enough money and he should work more. He for some reason wasn't too hip on that. I too thought the extra cash was for fun.. NOT for MUST HAVES>> It is so not my fault everything for women is twice or three times as much as men! whatever are these men thinking?? Oh, we are stronger than them, there will be NO employment for us (or you could do one of those home party sales and leave him with the kid a couple of nights (or all) and maybe he would lighten up on the budg..I mean b@#%&*!

 
At January 21, 2008, Blogger april said...

it makes me feel so much better that i am not the only one! i thought we were the only poor people LOL

 
At January 22, 2008, Blogger Andrea and Ben said...

Oh, man, I do not look forward to not working some day. I think I will put off family and work forever so I can spend as I please - oh wait, we are house poor anyway!!!

 
At February 10, 2008, Blogger A Goldsworthy Note said...

Dude, you CRACK ME UP! I absolutely LOVE reading your posts...

I need to try out the ebay thing. We have things I'd like to get rid of, but I'm afraid nobody would want them.

Good luck with the "B" word. :0)

 
At February 12, 2008, Blogger Lysandra said...

Welcome to the real world. I have been on a budget since 2003! Also, I can't believe you are complaining. $100 haircuts...come on! You can use that for Wal-Mart makeup.

 
At February 13, 2008, Blogger april said...

are you serious lysandra? i guess people with naturally pretty hair dont need to pay $100 for a cut and color but i do! i am not naturally beautiful! ive tried walmart makeup, hell i grew up on walmart makeup but now that i have had a taste of the good life its not easy to just jump back on the poor train. i need to be eased into this....

 

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