Michael's Pink Undies

I recently committed the ultimate laundry mistake. I’m not sure what I was thinking adding maroon place mats to a white load. I was even surprised when I looked in my washer and saw all the pink clothes; I really had to think for a minute why our white clothes were now a lovely baby pink. I called my grandmother for some much needed advice. She told me to rewash the clothes and add a little bleach. So Lauren and I ran down to Wal-Mart to pick up some bleach; I am happy to report that I have been staying away from the dollar store lately. Who knew there were so many bleach choices? I grabbed a bottle of one I’d been seeing on television lately and a bottle of the good ol’ stuff just in case the first one didn’t work as well as they claimed. I read the bottle and added a capful of the new bleach to my pink clothes. As I stood there watching the pink clothes swirl around I logically concluded that if a capful will make my clothes white then adding more must make your clothes even whiter. Then, I thought to myself, not only will Michael never know that I accidentally died his undergarments a very unmasculine shade of pink, but he will be impressed with how white I’ve made them. So I popped the lid off the regular bleach and started pouring. I’m not sure how much I ended up putting in the washing machine but the smell was quite pungent and my clothes were no longer pink, they were an even less appealing shade of yellow. I thought to myself, this bleach thing is a load of crap and called my mother to tell her not to be fooled into thinking that bleach can fix things like this. She told me I added too much bleach (who knew there could be too much?) and I could try rewashing the yellow clothes in Iron Out. So Lauren and I made another trip to Wal-Mart, this one was a little more hurried since it was getting down to crunch time and I wanted to have this fixed before Michael got home. I threw the clothes back into the washing machine and added only what the bottle of Iron Out directed. I thought the bleach smelled bad but the Iron Out was far worse. At the end of the cycle I excitedly opened the lid only to see that the clothes were now off-white. I give up! Off-white it is! I may not have gotten the problem entirely fixed but at least off-white is slightly more masculine than pink.